Last Wednesday I picked up my daughter at school. She is now studying Pre-Kinder classes at the SchoolRoom Inc. I would normally see her playing with her friends and would ask a few more minutes of playtime before I bring her home. This day was different. I already saw her with her nanny sitting near the door of the school. She looked flustered and the moment she saw me she hugged me and asked me to carry her.
Shumi: “Mommy, I don’t have playmates anymore, they don’t want to play with me..” she said in between sobs. I carried her across the street and asked her why it was so. I really couldn’t get her to answer me straight. According to her nanny, she was given a gift and it was the cause why the other kids didn’t want to play with her.
Now I was faced with a very big problem, how do I explain to her not to feel bad? I experience the same thing too, adults experience it differently, playing can be working, hanging out with, talking to or any activity that involves social interaction. I thought of the moments when these incidents happen to me. Some memories made me cringe. As a one time parent I know I have to address it, you instill values to children and at 4 years old, they have solid memories. I don’t read self help parenting books or go online checking the best scientific way on how to handle children issues but the only thing sensible for me to do was remember my childhood.
My Mom is my sounding board, I remember that acceptance is always my issue no matter where I go. I always want people to like me, I always want them to be my friend but it doesn’t work out that way. I was awarded as Ms. Congeniality in my nursery school, but not all kids are close with me. I learned it the hard way that you cannot please everybody. We have different personalities, different views, different poles and sometimes when we interact with people with an opposite opinion we get into misunderstandings worst fights.
I sat down and talked to Shumi. I told her that it was all a misunderstanding, I explained to her that the reason why she was given a belated birthday toy was because we also shared a gift to the young classmate. When she shared, people share with her too. Now, the question about why she was left out. I told her not to take it seriously. Not to take it by heart, that all friendships are tested and I am sure they will be OK tomorrow.
Sure enough the next day her three ‘friends’ where already hugging it out. Laughing, playing and sharing food.
Shumi’s best buds at school, Mereiah,and Lexy